Sweet Dreams

[Admin Courtney]

Talon barely remembered everything that had gone one while he was bleeding to death in the girl's bathroom. So when Jade mentioned spirits, he gave her a look. "Right. Maybe you should go see my therapist," he said with a snort. What drugs was this girl on?

"Right, well you're a humanitarian, you are. You saved me from death. Great. I mean, just fantastic," he said, repeating the sarcasm from before.
At the mention of a smoke, he could not help but be tempted. He was not technically allowed outside unless he had company, although he went out for frequent smokes on his own because heck no did he want company. But now that she mentioned it he really wanted a cigarette. His eyes fell on the cigarette pack and his arm reached out and took one.
"Fine," he decided with a sigh, standing up and pulling out a lighter at the same time. He clicked it on and off, not wanting to push his luck by smoking in the common area. He was not exempt from everything, and did not want to be stuck in a detention. Summer would have a field day.

[Admin Sydnee]

He didn't remember what she'd said. Of course he didn't, he'd been bleeding out on the tiled floor in front of his sister and he hadn't even known it. She sighed though and decided to save the rest of the question for outside. Normally she'd be offended by a comment like that, but she was used to it. "I have my own therapist," she said, which was completely true.

She managed to smile a bit when he snatched the cigarette from her. A peace offering from one nicotine addict to another. She took her lighter from her pocket and headed towards the doors with Talon, eager to get away from the stares of all of the students. She could still feel her sister looking at her too and even if she didn't say it, she knew Lanie was wishing she'd stop smoking.

She pushed open the doors into the crisp November air and lit her cigarette, leaning up against the wall of the school. Her eyes shifted over to Talon as she exhaled. "I know you just think I'm crazy and whatever, but either way you should know that I'm...I'm a medium. I can see the dead. It's my power." And really was any power so weird anymore? I mean, they were at a school where that was the requirement for getting in. "I...I found you because your sister led me to you." She knew he probably didn't want to talk about it, but she also knew that Leah, wherever she was, was glad her brother was still alive, even if he didn't seem to happy about it. "I'm not asking you to believe me because a lot of people don't, but it's true."

[Admin Courtney]

"Hm," Talon said when she mentioned having her own therapist. He wondered why, but didn't ask. He hated when people pried into his life, so why would he pry into hers? "Well then I guess you can imagine how much I hate that mine is due to be here soon. Probably later today." He shot her an accusatory look at that, but said nothing else on it. He was too tired to keep bothering her, plus he held a cigarette that she owned. He hated her, but he wanted the cigarette. His were in his dorm room, as he had just emptied a pack this morning. Dakota might be up there. He was not going to risk it until late at night when he knew his dorm mates would be sleeping.

He walked with Jade out of the room, slouching as he went and ignoring the passing stares of his fellow Veritas peers. They could all go fuck themselves.
He stuck the cigarette in his mouth as they walked, his chest anticipating the relief he would feel from the first drag. The first and last were always the best.

Once they were outside he lit up the cigarette and tilted his head back as he took the first drag, closing his eyes to fully enjoy it. The hood on his sweater fell off his head as he did so, revealing his gaunt face. He looked very sick, and he was. He was weak from the blood loss even though he was slowly recovering. His face was paler than usual and he had bags under his eyes from not having slept much since. His nightmares were worse now. He kept dreaming his sister was watching him die instead of the other way around, and the look on her face tore him apart.

His head snapped towards Jade when she talked about her power. His eyes widened. "You're lying," he told her. Then he pointed his lighter at her. "You don't know my sister. Don't pull that bullcrap on me. Is Summer already here? Did she tell you to say that shit to me so I'd stop trying to off myself? Well fuck you all. It's not funny!" he snapped, his heart racing at the very idea of his dream coming to life. "I don't believe you," he said, but what he really meant was 'I don't want to believe you.'

[Admin Sydnee]

Jade took another drag of her cigarette, after she finished speaking nearly jumping out of her skin when Talon snapped at her. She didn't expect him to really have a calm conversation with her or call her his savior, but he was being really harsh. And he was throwing accusatory words at her, assuming things that weren't the least bit true.

She examined him, even as he said hurtful things to her. Her therapist had taught her one useful thing. When people were saying hurtful things to you, whether it be calling you crazy or telling you that you were useless, concentrating on their words was the worst idea. Instead, she told Jade to concentrate on their facial expressions, the way their face contorted when they were angry. But all Jade saw when she looked at Talon was a sad, tired, sick looking face, the face of a guy who had been here too long and suffered way too much. She didn't know his entire story, his entire internal battle, but she knew it had to do something with Leah. She wasn't alive anymore and if there was one thing besides their obvious addiction to cigarettes that they shared in common, it was the loss of their siblings.

She finally snapped back to reality, taking a deep breath. "I haven't spoken to your therapist, Talon. And I'm not just spewing random shit. You think I just decided to walk into the girl's bathroom at 3 a.m.? I was led there, by your sister. By Leah. A sweet girl who cares about your well-being," she ranted, feeling Lanie's presence. She'd come outside and was lingering a few feet away, mostly just watching over Jade, who she knew had been through a lot over the past week. She wished that Talon could believe her, but she also knew that it was hard for people to believe in what they couldn't see.

"Don't believe me then," she said, shrugging, as she exhaled smoke. "But she couldn't take seeing you like that and whether or not you wanted it, I wasn't going to let you die. So you can say 'fuck you' all you want to me, but your sister did not die so that you could be forever angry at yourself for her death." That's how it seemed anyway. Either that or he was just unable to handle the grief.

[Admin Courtney]

Talon looked away from her as she began speaking of Leah. He hated that he almost believed her. But how else would she have found him? It had been a ridiculous time for her to wander into the bathroom he had just happened to be in, and how did she knew Leah's name? Plus he knew once Summer was there she would want to see him immediately. She was a good therapist, he had to admit. He just did not like her because she was trying to help him, and he did not want it.

He could not look at Jade as she spoke, instead staring a pile of leaves someone had made. He shut his eyes as she told him off, taking in a drag of the cigarette and holding his breath, wishing the smoke would kill his lungs and then him right then and there, but his body reacted reflexively and he exhaled.
Tears were trailing their way down his cheeks now and he shivered, wrapping one of his arms around his mouth while the other held his cigarette close to his lips between drags. He felt so vulnerable and he hated it, but there was nothing he could do to stop the tears. Instead he just fell silent, not even bothering to argue back. Was she telling the truth? Was his sister really around? Some ghost or spirit or whatever Jade had said? That would mean she wasn't having a peaceful death. Was it his doing? Is that what was keeping her here? The guilt ate away at him.

--

Leah appeared at her brother's side and looked him in the face. When she saw the tears in his eyes and how he was trying to hide it from Jade, she frowned sadly.
"Oh, Talon," she said softly, even though she knew he could not hear her. She looked over at Jade and smiled in thanks. "You saved him," she said to the older girl. "Thank you. He might not be grateful, but I am, and I hope he will be in the end." She wished she could give her big brother a hug. To wrap her arms around his waist and cheer him up. He loved her so much more than he could handle. He loved everyone more than he could handle. Sometimes too quickly. He had a lot of heart, her brother. He just did not know how to deal with it all, and so when he got hurt, it affected him worse than most people, and it tore at her to see him this way.

[Admin Sydnee]

Talon would not face her and really...Jade didn't blame him. She could imagine how hard it would be to accept this kind of thing and Lanie was right there telling her so, that it was incredibly difficult for him to come to terms with. She stayed silent as he fell silent, still not looking in her direction. She didn't know what to say or do. She didn't know at all, but she somehow felt connected to Talon in the strangest way. "I get how you feel. I mean, somewhat...I'm not saying I know for sure. I see my sister...her spirit. She's here with me right now. She's always here. Sometimes it's unbearable that she's with me because I know she shouldn't be dwelling here having to watch over me, but other times I'm grateful for it. I wish you could see Leah right now."

She looked over at the young blonde girl that appeared and gave her a weak smile, finding that she felt tears forming behind her eyes at the entire situation. Lanie was standing beside Leah now, looking at Jade with that look that made Jade want to fall apart. It was as if all that had happened recently had left her unable to fight back the tears. They just needed to be released.

"You're welcome," she whispered, her voice beginning to break. All Leah wanted was to hug her brother right now. She remembered all the times when Lanie wanted to hug her and couldn't. She was given this power and she wasn't going to put it to waste.

[Admin Courtney]

Talon listened to Jade's words as he took a shaky inhale of the cigarette. He did not know how he would feel if Leah was around and visible to him as a spirit at all times. The thought of her being around him without him being able to see her was unbearable enough. To have to see her and know she was dead and there was nothing he could do about it? Definitely not a power he envied.
"Your sister's dead too?" he asked, his voice quiet and understanding. This was something he could actually relate with. And now he knew that she could relate to him as well. She could understand. He only hoped for her sake that she had not been the cause of her sister's death. Talon was not the cause of Leah's, but he still took full responsibility. He felt he had to.

He turned to her, attempting to blink tears from his eyes when he heard Jade say 'you're welcome'. Immediately he knew she was not speaking to him. He suddenly felt fearful.
"Is she... Leah isn't... is she?" He could barely get the words out. His eyes darted around, but of course he saw nothing. The urge to become a hawk and fly away was overwhelming.

[Admin Sydnee]

Jade nodded numbly. "Yes, she's dead. A house fire. Several years ago..." she trailed off, squeezing her eyes shut as she thought of it, an image appearing in her mind of her house igniting in flames. She took a deep breath, trying to will it away, knowing that Lanie wouldn't want her to be dwelling on it. She'd worked hard over the years to come to terms with it, to become stable and she still felt as if sometimes she was only half way there. She still felt the guilt.

He finally looked over at her and Jade met his gaze, nodding at him again. "Yes," she said. "She's here." She blinked through tears.

[Admin Courtney]

Talon's heart went out to Jade. He knew how she felt. Exactly how she felt. They had both lost sisters who meant so much to them, and both situations had been out of their hands. But he still felt guilty and he could see the guilt etched on Jade's face as she talked about it.
"I'm sorry," he said. He hated when people said that to him, because he always wondered if they were just saying that because it was what everyone said. But when he said it just then to Jade, he meant it. He really was sorry and he wished she could have her sister back. Almost as much as he wished he could have Leah back. Because he knew how it felt. He knew it exactly.
"Leah died of lung cancer contracted from second-hand smoke," he told her, his voice barely above a whisper, but it cracked anyway.

He shook his head in disbelief. He could hardly believe his sister was there. Somewhere in the area out of his reach. Out of sight. He took another drag of the cigarette and exhaled shakily, wiping his cheeks with the sleeve of his hoodie.
"I don't want her to see me like this," he muttered. "She must hate me."

-----

Leah felt like crying. She already was at the sight of Talon shedding tears, but she felt like out of control sobbing at her brother's words. "I don't hate you," she told him even though she knew he would not hear her. "And my death wasn't your fault. I wish you would stop thinking that way." She did not know which was more painful: seeing him like this or not being able to do anything to comfort him.

[Admin Sydnee]

Jade was glad that there wasn't any more screaming. She didn't know if she could handle it if there was. She nodded at his apology, finding that most of the time people just said that because it was expected of them. They thought it was what the person wanted to hear, they didn't actually mean it, but she knew that Talon wasn't sympathizing or giving her pity, he was empathizing because he knew what it was like.

Cancer. Little Leah had died from Cancer. Her gaze shifted over to the little girl, blurry from tears as she looked at her brother. Second hand smoke. Every time Jade picked up a cigarette she knew it was a personal choice that shortened her life, but it was also something that could affect others. Leah hadn't smoked, she'd been killed by the smoke of others.

She was already shaking her head at Talon's statement even before Leah spoke. "She says 'I don't hate you. My death wasn't your fault. I wish you would stop thinking that way.'" She offered a weak smile at Leah before her eyes shifted to her own little sister, who had moved closer.

"Jade, it's not your fault. I know I've told you that a thousand times, but...it's not like you started the fire. Talon didn't kill Leah and you didn't kill me. I thought....I thought that you'd finally realized that."

Jade didn't show it too often, at least not anymore, that she still felt the guilt weighing down on her heavy like an anchor at some times. This was one of those times. Seeing Leah and hearing Talon speak about her, had only made her think of her own situation. And when Jade thought too much about it, she blamed herself.

"I'm trying, Lanie. I really am. It's just hard when I know that a difference in my actions could have saved your life." She wanted to reach out and hug her sister and it hurt that she couldn't, that she'd never be able to.

"I know that it might make it harder...if you could see her right now, but I wish you could, Talon. She loves you. She's only here because she's watching over you." Her gaze shifted back to the guy as she finished her cigarette, dropping it on the ground and stepping on it with her boot.

[Admin Courtney]

Talon had sobered from his annoyance with Jade. If Leah really was around, then he understood that Jade pretty much had no choice but to save him. Knowing that Leah had been there when Talon was dying churned his stomach. He did not want to put his sister through that. But he did not feel he deserved to live, nor did he want to live.

When Jade repeated his sister's words, Talon lifted his hands to his ears and squinted his eyes shut. He didn't want to hear it. He couldn't, because what was he supposed to do? Of course his sister didn't want him to feel guilt that she died. He wouldn't want her to if the roles were switched. But he did. He always had, and he always would. Because he could have died instead of her. She deserved a better life than she had, and he would, if it was possible, trade places with her. No hesitation. In a heartbeat. But he couldn't. And he had to live with that every day. That his beautiful little sister had died so young from something that wasn't even her fault. She was an innocent victim, and it was not fair. And Talon could not live with it.

He heard Jade speaking to her sister and he shook his head slowly. This wasn't right. None of this was. Janie and Leah were there, as ghosts, watching over their older, damaged siblings. Talon did not want that for Leah. She shouldn't be there. He had no idea what the afterlife was like, but surely being a ghost forced to haunt your guilt-ridden sibling was not the only choice. He wanted Leah to move on, but he had no idea how to get her to. When he finished his cigarette, he dropped it to the ground and pulled his hood up to hide his face again.
He couldn't deal with this. With Leah being there. He couldn't.
"I love her too," he said, his voice cracking. He swallowed hard and shook his head. "I can't do this. I can't--" He backed away and tripped on one of the steps to the school. He landed on his backside and shook, then looked to the sky. No, he did not want to go back in the school. He was not supposed to use his powers, but there was no one out here to stop him. Except for Jade. But if she didn't expect it...

His eyes flicked to her and then back to the sky. He needed to fly. He needed to get out of his skin. To get lost in the mind of his hawk.

"Talon, don't!" Leah protested, but he could not hear her.

He began to change. His skin itched as reddish brown feathers grew from it, his eyes went yellow and then he began to shrink rapidly. His clothes fell to the ground in a heap and soon Talon was trapped in them, squacking and panicked as he tried to free his hawk self from the clothing, only resulting in his becoming further tangled. In his haste to try to get away, he had forgotten to remove his clothing and became trapped in his hoodie.

[Admin Sydnee]

"Sometimes I know it's not right. That she is here instead of enjoying her afterlife and I know it's selfish, but I...I need her here, almost. I feel like if she's not here, I'll crumble apart, because then she'll truly be gone to me," Jade rambled, knowing how it sounded. She also knew that Lanie was hearing this and she felt bad just for saying it. "When you're a medium, you never truly have to be without someone. I mean, she's gone, but it's almost as if she's still here. Still with me. And I'm not sure how to let go of it." She wouldn't dare turn to face her sister.

She knew she was rambling a little too much and was instantly frustrated with herself. She turned to Talon, smiling lightly when he said he'd loved her to, but she also understood how he felt, it was hard to accept that someone was watching over you and he probably felt guilty like Jade did that Leah wasn't on the other side.

When he fell backwards she looked down at him. "You okay?" she asked, wiping more tears from her face, but that's when it happened. Leah screamed at him not to and her gaze darted to the girl for a moment, confusion etched upon her face. Maybe because she didn't know what Talon's power was. When she looked back at where he was supposed to be, there was only a heap of his clothes and something moving inside of the hoodie, trying to get out. Bird noises filled the air. He was a shapeshifter...

Gingerly, she moved over towards his pile of clothes, trying to free Talon from the hoodie he was trapped in to see a hawk. "Uhm, Talon?" she said stupidly to it. How cool was that? How free he must feel in that form.

[Admin Courtney]

He could empathize completely where she was coming from. If he could see Leah all the time and speak with her, it might be easier for him to deal with everything. He most likely would not have spiralled into depression like he had, because he never would have felt like he had completely lost his sister. He would not want to let go of his sister if he were Jade.

As he fought to get out of the clothes that trapped him, Talon twisted a wing and squacked out in pain. He turned back and stood still, unsure of what to do now. Now his wing hurt and he was trapped and could not figure out how to get out. Staying still so far was the best bet, but the predatorial mind of his hawk did not like it. No, not at all.

He heard a voice speak to him and he moved again, but this time not as violently. He could not change back into himself or else he would become further entangled by his clothes, or he would be stopped partway through the change because his clothes would be in the way. He puffed out his chest in annoyance. This had not gone the way he had planned at all.

[Admin Sydnee]

As Jade tried to untangle him from his mess of clothes, she was also quite intrigued by his power. The ability to turn into a hawk at his will? How awesome it must be to just fly when you were upset, to soar into the night sky. She envied him for that reason. Her power may have let her continue to see her sister, but it was also a power that made it even more difficult for her to move on and brought her further away from the living.

She finally untangled the mess of clothes and let the hawk that was Talon free from the mess. "Sorry," she said. "I tried." She backed up and stuffed her hands in the pockets of her leather jacket.

[Admin Courtney]

Light spilled through the clothes as someone moved it. Jade. Of course. She was trying to help him out. He stayed still as she moved the clothes around, trying to help him out of it. Once the clothes were untangled enough for him to get free, she stepped back and he hopped out. Immediately, he spread his wings to take off, still intent on getting away from and out of there, but as he began to take flight, his injured wing ignited with pain and he tipped forward, landing on his face because he had no arms to stop him.

Talon rolled onto his side and huffed, drawing his wings back in and standing up properly, glaring at everything his eyes landed on. Although the glare was what a hawk usually did, so his expression did not change. With a reluctant bird sigh, he began to change back into himself. He was useless as a hawk with an injured wing. What use were wings if you could not fly?