Sweet Dreams

[Admin Sydnee]

Jade stepped back and was going to let Talon fly away. She understood that he needed to clear his head. Who wouldn't need to after this experience? But then it seemed like he was having trouble and one of his wings seemed to be injured from being tangled in the clothes. She moved forward a bit, as if to go help him again, but then he'd started the transformation back to himself and before she had the chance to think about the fact that his clothes were on the ground and he wouldn't be wearing them when he changed back, he was standing before her, bare.

She slapped a hand over her eyes, turning around quickly, hoping that the redness wasn't rising on her face. It was so evident on her pale skin! "Talonnnn," she hissed, looking to Lanie and Leah who had covered their faces.

"I think I'm going to go see mom and dad," Lanie mumbled awkwardly, giggling a little.

[Admin Courtney]

When Talon began to change back, Leah knew what would happen. To save herself the embarrassment she knew her brother would not feel, she covered her face and then left. Talon could not fly away and he was in safe hands with Jade around, so she decided to give him some space. He might relax a bit more if he knew she wasn't around all the time.

----

Talon stood up tall and moved his injured arm. It hurt slightly to move, but nothing that really affected his human self like it had his hawk self. He looked at Jade, who had covered her eyes and turned around, and smirked, a bit of his old self coming back.
"Oh come on," he said. "I'm not that terrible to look at. I just tried to kill myself and you can't look at my naked body? Ouch, low blow to the self-esteem," he joked. It was probably not the best thing to joke about, but there it was.

[Admin Sydnee]

"You're just gonna leave me here with him?" Jade asked Lanie, only catching a glimpse of the young girl's smile before her and Leah disappeared. Now she was alone with the living. The naked living.

She was shocked at his attempt to make a joke, but it also made her smile a bit. The melancholic tone had faded from his voice. It wasn't the best thing to joke about, as suicide shouldn't be taken so lightly, but she also knew that Talon wasn't the typical guy and he certainly wouldn't make typical jokes. "I never said you were terrible to look at, but I'm not going to stand here and gawk at your naked body. What if somebody comes out and sees! Put your clothes on!" Yep, there was definitely a rising blush on her cheeks. "And it wasn't as if I was prepared for you to turn into a bird and then transform back to be naked!" She wondered if he remembered when she'd taken off her shirt to press it to him, clad in her bra and pajama pants in the middle of the girl's bathroom. He probably didn't. But she did. It was a bit embarrassing when help arrived and she'd thrown away that bloody shirt as soon as he was carried off to the hospital.

[Admin Courtney]

From the sound of it, he had scared Janie, and possibly Leah, away. He could not help but feel better. He continued to smirk at Jade's reaction, but made his way over to his clothes. "You can gawk at my naked body all you want. It's just skin." He glanced down. He was really pale, but he still had his swimming muscles. He was still good-looking. It almost made him feel better. Almost.
"Skin and a penis," he added as he untangled his clothes. He had really done a number on them when he was a hawk.

"Besides, I've seen you shirtless so I figure it's only fair you see me naked. Even though you get to see more than I got to saw," he added with another smirk as he pulled his pants on. Yeah, he remembered vaguely seeing a girl with a bra in his almost dead haze. Now that he knew it was Jade, he knew that had been her. He pulled his hoodie on next, glad for the warmth. Winter was coming, and his skin was now covered in goosebumps.

[Admin Sydnee]

So what if it was just skin? Jade wasn't about to watch the guy she'd saved dress himself. She rolled her eyes at him, even if he couldn't see. "Yes, Talon, I know about the male anatomy. I took health class." She wasn't that naive, she just didn't stare at naked boys in her free time. Especially not ones that she'd saved from the brink of death after their dead sister came to her for help, although she was sure nobody else had that problem.

So he did remember! Shit. She turned around to face him, her hand still over her eyes and she moved her fingers to catch a peak and when she saw he was pulling on his hoodie, she sighed in relief. "Well, that's nice of you," she said, crossing her arms over her chest. It was cold out here, as winter was nearing. "Considering you were willing to give me much more of a show." Sarcasm dripped from her voice and she smirked a bit, willing away the redness of her cheeks. "And I didn't think you remembered that. I had to stop the bleeding somehow."

As the hoodie fell down over his chest, she'd thought about something. His body, it looked familiar. He had the body of a swimmer. It was just something she could pick out. No wonder why he'd seemed sort of familiar. He was only on the team for one year though, before quitting. "You were on the swim team, weren't you?"

[Admin Courtney]

"If I had died then," Talon said conversationally. "Your almost bare chest would have been the last thing I saw. It was rather nice of you if you look at it that way." He smirked, but the playfulness was gone from his eyes. He wasn't a pervert, really. He was just talking.
He shrugged. "Hey, there's nothing about my body I'm ashamed of." He wondered if this was one of those times he was supposed to thank her. For stopping the bleeding or whatever. If it was, he wasn't going to. He still wasn't thankful. He would still rather be dead. But he no longer held her at fault. Knowing it had been Leah who had gone to her for help made Talon incapable of being angry at Jade. She was just doing what anyone might have done for a panicked little girl. For Leah.

He looked up at her when she mentioned the swim team. "Oh. Yeah, I was, but... They were going to kick me off because of my grades. Plus there was no point in me joining back up if I didn't plan on being alive for the rest of the year, you know?" He cracked a humourless smile and shoved his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. He looked at her again, really looked at her, and realised he knew her not from around the school, but from the swim team. "Oh, hey. Yeah, I remember you now. You still on the team? How are you guys doing this year, anyway? I don't really follow anymore."

[Admin Sydnee]

"Funny," Jade said, cracking a smile. "Look at you, all smug." It was proof that underneath all of the depression there was a great guy with jokes and a boyish charm. "And you shouldn't be ashamed."

"That's one thing that's always bothered me. I've gotten the speech before too. I've had to work extra hard at math just to be on the swim team and I hate math, not to mention I'm absolutely shit at it." But swimming kept her together, kept her going. She'd even argue that it saved her life. She felt free in the water. He was cracking jokes about his death as if it was something normal to joke about, but she didn't blame him for handling it that way. The gloomy conversation had almost swallowed up them both. It was nice to talk about things lighthearted once in a while, even if those things weren't even close to lighthearted topics.

She nodded at him. "Yeah, I still swim. Can't live without it. And we're doing awesome. Still kicking Spiritus' swim team's ass. But what else is new?" A smile played about her lips as she looked at him. She could see him now, the cocky, sarcastic swimmer that he once had been. "You should still swim. I mean, I'm not asking you to join the team again, but...swim...in your free time. I know it's lame to suggest something to...keep your mind off of wanting to kill yourself, but....swimming really does wonders, which I'm sure you remember. Sometimes I think it's even better than cigarettes." She didn't mean for the conversation to turn dark again, it just sort of happened. "Look, I know that you....that you didn't want to be saved and I did save you because of Leah, but I also...I know what it's like to be there, in that place. And when I saw you on that bathroom floor, part of me saw myself, the broken girl from a few years ago. I guess I just wanted to....wanted to show you that...death isn't....I don't know....maybe it's not all we think it's going to be. Maybe it isn't peaceful, or maybe it isn't the end. I get that feeling, from all the spirits I've met."

She met his eyes, pulling her leather jacket tighter around her.

[Admin Courtney]

"I hate school," Talon said. "All of the sitting and listening and writing and testing and ugh." He wrinkled his nose. "It's such a waste of time. I'd rather fly or swim or smoke. Or all three, if that's even possible," he mused.

When she said the team was still doing great, he smiled. "That's good to hear. I kind of miss it," he admitted, shoving his hands deeper into his hoodie pockets as if it would protect him from Jade seeing into his deeper thoughts even though he was the one spewing them. "But I mean, there's no way my grades are going to improve enough for them to let me back on. I don't care enough to try, so... Not going to happen. I do visit the pool sometimes, but I don't think they would let me on my own. I think drowning is on the list of potential ways I could kill myself. I'm surprised they let me shower alone," he added bitterly.

He shivered at the thought of death not being the end. He always hoped it would be. But if Leah's spirit or ghost or whatever was still around because of him, then his spirit wouldn't be because who did he have to stick around for? Leah was dead, and she was the only person who meant enough to him.
"You tried to kill yourself?" he asked, his expression somber. "I'm sorry you know how I feel. It's not a fun feeling, that's for sure. And I don't hate you or blame you for saving me, but I still don't want..." He trailed off with a sigh. "Well, you know. I'd rather not be here."

[Admin Sydnee]

Jade wrinkled her nose at his description of school. "I agree. Exams don't measure anyone's intelligence anyway. You can be smart and have shitty grades." She shrugged. It was just her opinion. School made her feel trapped and like Talon, she'd rather be free.

"I understand, but I still think you should swim," she suggested and when he'd said that he didn't think he'd be let into the pool alone, she nodded her head. "Yeah, they're really serious about suicide watch, but...if you ever want to go, I'll go with you. Sometimes swimming is a lot more fun when it's not for a reason, for the competition. You know? I saved your life once. I think I can be trusted with you." Leah obviously trusted her enough to leave her with him. It made Jade think, about how she'd barely known Talon and now she felt like they had so much in common and she hadn't even known it.

"Yeah, I was....I was fourteen. My parents thought....well, actually everybody thought I was crazy. They don't think I can actually see Lanie. They think...they think it's my way of coping, which I guess it is...but it's also...she's really there. And I just felt so guilty and..." she trailed off, looking up at the sky and laughing. "God, I'm sorry. I don't mean to have a pity party over here, but I know how you feel." She looked over at him again. "And sometimes I'd rather not be here either, but...there are things to enjoy and as long as Lanie is happy that I'm alive, I will continue to live. I will swim and I will save guys like you who don't know that they should be alive." She offered him a small smile, kicking at a pebble on the ground with her combat boot.

[Admin Courtney]

Talon shook his head slowly. "Man, my therapist is going to love you," he said as a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. He really wanted to take her up on the swimming idea. "If she finds out I'm hanging out with the girl who saved me, she's going to think I'm recovering and you're helping. Yup, she is going to love you, that's for sure." Maybe it would get Summer off his back, as well as his parents and the doctors, if he hung out with someone they could trust as much as they would trust Jade. Apart from that, he actually did like her. Sure, she had gone and mucked up his attempted suicide, but he understood her reasoning now. But she knew what he was going through and they had a lot of things they could related to with each other. If there was anyone in the school he'd rather hang out with, it was Jade.

"Dude, my life is a pity party," he said with a shrug. "If you want to talk about it, talk about it. I won't pry," he added. "If you don't want to talk about something, just say so. But don't feel you have to apologise for talking about something. We can pity party together," he added, attempting another smile despite the topic at present. "SO that's what you are, huh? Some swimming suicide superhero?" he teased. "Rescuing suicidal teens, one breast stroke at a time."

[Admin Sydnee]

Jade caught a glimpse of his smile and couldn't help but smile herself. It was something that she hadn't expected to see, but a smile looked good on him even if it was rare. "I am loved by therapists across the world," she joked. "I think it's the whole 'once-suicidal-girl-who-now-appreciates-life' thing." Besides, she wouldn't mind hanging out with Talon, or having someone to swim with outside of the swim team. With them, it was all about competition and sometimes Jade just wanted to relax and swim to decompress. "We should go to the pool sometime then."

When he'd replied to her after she stared randomly spilling her guts, she smiled gratefully. "Thanks. I get all mixed up in my head sometimes. I don't know if I want to talk about something or if I'd rather not face it all together. It seems like it changes day to day. I try not to have pity parties, but sometimes I just need to wallow in the misery." She tucked a loose strand of pitch black hair behind her ear. "I guess you could call me that, but that's quite a title you've got there. I'm not sure I'm worthy of it, but if it means anything, I'm glad you're not dead." She shrugged, knowing that he didn't think the same. "And if you're going to be alive, you might as well do some things to make it bearable, right? Swimming is first on that list."

[Admin Courtney]

"Yeah, that would do it," Talon said. "They love recovery stories. It's like a drug to them or something. Or just proof their jobs help people, I guess." He wondered if Summer believed he would recover and that's why she stuck around. He felt bad for her because he did not even try to recover. She would feel like a failure, but it would not be her fault.

"I'm up for the pool thing," he told her. He did miss swimming, and if he couldn't just get up and fly away, he wouldn't mind swimming until he tired himself out so much he couldn't even dream.

"My mom gave me this book over the summer of what she calls 'inspi-quotes' which is supposed to be some cutesy term for inspirational quotations or something, and one of them wasn't inspiring at all, but it comes to mind right now," he said. "I think it was said by this author dude, but it's like 'That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt.' Sappy shit, but it's true." He watched as Jade tucked her hair behind her ear, and that was when he noticed how gorgeous she was. Before he was too preoccupied with dying, and then just minutes ago with blaming her for being alive to notice. But she was. Very pretty.
"Well, it's probably better of you to say you're glad I am not dead than to say you wish I were," he pointed out.

[Admin Sydnee]

"Of course they love recovery stories. Because it means that something is going right and that recovery is possible, but often they don't realize how hard recovery is. That's why you find it easier to talk to me," Jade pointed out. "I had a therapist. It helped...a little bit. But you have to help yourself above anything. Nobody sitting across from me in an office is going to make me really feel better." She shrugged. It was just the truth of the situation and Jade had learned to look at things objectively. It helped her look at life in a way that made it bearable.

"And great. We're going swimming sometime soon then. Well, I guess we should wait for you to heal." She gestured to the bandage on his arm. "Sounds like the type of thing parents try to do." But he was right about that quote. It was true. "Reminds me of another quote. 'Someday this pain will be useful to you.'" And now she was able to relate to Talon, to feel like someone finally understood. Maybe that quote was finally proving true.

She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, breathing in the cold night air. "And I guess it is, but I'm not all about saying what I should be saying, so if I'm telling you I'm glad you're alive, I mean it. If I wanted you dead, you'd know it." She meant it as half of a joke, but it was also true.

[Admin Courtney]

Talon nodded slowly. Recovery was difficult, and Jade had it right. A person who did not want to recover would not recover. It was not something that could be forced upon a person. It was ultimately up to the patient, and in Talon's case, he was a lost cause. But Summer was not going to give up on him, that he knew. She was determined to see this through until Talon stood up and declared that he was happy and he wanted to be happy and would do everything he could to continue to be happy.
But he did not see that in his future.

"It's all stitched up," Talon said with a shrug, examining his bandage. "Stick a waterproof bandaid over it and it's fine in the water. I mean, I can shower and everything." He did not like the idea of his wrist keeping him from swimming. He was feeling the itch to take a dive into the deep end, especially after he had just figuratively gone off the deep end. He could practically smell the chlorine already, but perhaps today was not the best time for it. Another day, then.

"I don't see how pain can be useful. Or maybe I can? I don't know. They are certainly not happy quotes," he decided. "Complicated, though, I'll give them that."

He exhaled slowly, watching his warm breath mingle with the cold air to make a steam. He remembered being younger and watching his parents smoke and then in the winter time holding a stick to his lips and breathing into the cold air pretending to smoke. It was not long after that that his sister was diagnosed, and then not long after that when he finally picked up a real cigarette. Anyone else might have refused cigarettes, but Talon was different. He gravitated towards them. His parents quit and he picked up the habit that had killed his sister. He hated the things. They had killed Leah, yet he still smoked them. They were a part of him now.

"Well, then thanks for not wishing me dead, I guess." He smiled half-heartedly at her joke. He stared out at the darkening grounds of Veritas, then added, "Thanks for saving me. Not for me, but for Leah. I don't want her to have to watch me die like I had to watch her. So... thanks."

[Admin Sydnee]

"Well then, I guess we can go swimming anytime then," Jade told him with a grin. "Just tell me when. I'm always up for a swim." Actually she wouldn't mind one right now. It would help take the edge off of her mood.

"Complicated? Yes. I don't know if any of it makes sense. All I know is that either way, pain sucks." Her gaze drifted out onto the dark campus of Veritas as she tried to think of what to say next. She just enjoyed the silence for a moment, basking in it.

"You're welcome," she finally said, looking over at him. A hint of a smile was on her lips. "I know that you don't want to be here, but I hope that Leah wanting you here is enough to make you want to stay."

It was strange being alone with someone of the living. Usually spirits were with her.